I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
