Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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