Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
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