You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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