Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
