that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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