he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
