I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
