oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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