i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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