Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
