yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
