He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i permit you to call me
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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