You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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