A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
