What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
