I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
