Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
