I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
