saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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