She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
