im holly from the hills drunk
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
