Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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