I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
