ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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