I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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