I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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