haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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