We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
