dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
