It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
