did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Everyone says I win the strip club
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
