oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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