theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
