Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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