he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
