Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
