He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
