dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
