I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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