it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Hippo gnu deer
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
