You really coming over, don't trick.
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Randomize
