i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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