So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
