i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
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