I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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