Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
