I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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