**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
