Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
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