I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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