I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
