just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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