you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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