Screwed.edu
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
