We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
