get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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